Today, I postponed my wedding

We were two months out yesterday but today we made the difficult decision not to get married in October. It feels like both a relief and a loss as we had almost everything ready, but we both had been struggling emotionally and not being good supportive partners these last few months. It felt worse the closer we got to the wedding and I am the one that brought up postponing the wedding. We’ve only been together for three years (all together) and we knew when we met we loved each other and that it was so easy back then, no anxiety or stress when we first started dating - we just naturally worked out. Then it just got worse from there, we started resenting each other, we started blaming one another and refusing to see each other’s points of view. It was such a hard breaking decision to tell our family that we will not be getting married in two months and I now have a photographer and coordinator on retainer cause those deposits were nonrefundable. Oh well, cheaper than a divorce in six months.

anyways, this is more to get it off my chest. I’ve been on this subreddit since we got engaged and honestly I have not felt as excited as I’ve seen others. I found myself wanting to just get it over with and no one else seemed to share that sentiment and I realized that I wasn’t excited at all - I was scared and worried that it wasn’t going to be worth it at the end of the day. It was the hardest decision we had to make, tonight we tell our kids. (He has two children from a previous relationship but we treat our household like a collective unit, they aren’t his kids in my eyes they are ours and I want them to always feel safe, loved and supported).

for anyone who feels this way about their own upcoming wedding, I just want to tell you it’s okay and the reason you haven’t talked about it yet is cause you’re scared but that’s okay. I was scared for a long time too but I spoke up before it was too late. Now I have hope and faith for our relationship, if things don’t work out then I know we did our best.

For the people who did not experience these emotions before their wedding or they were just so happy to marry their partner, I really do believe you deserve all the happiness you can find with one another. I hope for that on my wedding day, even if it’s not going to be for the one I’ve planned.

thanks