0 percent acceptance rate achieved! 😄 Read my acceptance speech below👇🏾 :

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed colleagues in rideshare rebellion, and of course, the mastermind behind it all—Dara Khosrowshahi. Today, I stand before you not just as a humble Uber driver but as a true trailblazer. A pioneer. An inspiration to all those who dream of achieving what many believed to be impossible: a 0% acceptance rate on the Uber platform. Yes, you heard that right. Zero percent. Nada. A clean, unblemished rejection streak.

Now, Dara, I must thank you personally. Without your unrelenting dedication to offering some of the most mind-bogglingly terrible fares known to mankind, this achievement would not have been possible. When I saw that $2.76 fare to drive 12 miles, I knew I was witnessing greatness. When you boldly pushed $3.14 for a 45-minute trip during rush hour, I realized I was in the presence of a true innovator. These offers weren’t just bad—they were art.

Your leadership, Dara, has been an inspiration. Thanks to your team’s tireless efforts to ensure drivers are underpaid, I’ve honed the sacred skill of declining offers faster than a Jeopardy! contestant hits the buzzer. You’ve turned my thumb into a well-oiled machine, swiping left with the precision of a seasoned Tinder user who just isn’t impressed. I didn’t know I could say “no” so enthusiastically until Uber challenged me to be my best self.

Looking ahead, I have big dreams. I hope to continue declining every single insult—I mean offer—you send my way. Who knows? Maybe one day, I’ll inspire enough drivers to achieve the same level of mastery, and together, we can create a driver-led mass exodus from Uber. Imagine the possibilities, Dara: a world where no one’s car smells like stale french fries or has a suspiciously sticky backseat. All thanks to you.

So thank you, Dara, for the terrible fares, the pennies per mile, and for reminding me daily that I’m better off doing literally anything else with my time. I couldn’t have done it without you—well, technically, I could’ve, but this is your moment too. Here’s to another year of declining with dignity. Cheers!