Is porn bad?

This is honestly so embarrassing to even anonymously write about, but I can’t bring myself to broach it in therapy, so I thought I’d try starting to talk about it here.

The thing is, I’ve been watching porn since I was like 10 and it’s just sort of something that’s like always been there in my life. I’ll go through seasons where I don’t really watch it at all, and then seasons where it’s daily.

My relationship with sex has never been healthy. Even as a very young kid, I just have had some bad experiences. And now I’m grown and married and sex is healthy in that regard, but I am not. Like I’d rather just watch porn and take care of my own business than do it with my husband and it has nothing to do with him - he is amazing in every way. It’s just like idk.. sex grosses me out, maybe? But then I still have like a desire for it, I just like it better when it’s only me. And you’d think like based off of that mentality that I’d not really like porn either because porn is honestly so much grosser than sex with the person you love… but Idk.. I think I like the impersonal vibe of porn. Like it’s not about feelings, they just get it done.

Anyways, sometimes when I’m in a season of watching porn more often than not, I start to watch it just to watch it. And I don’t really know why.

I don’t see myself as like some crazy addict for it, I just don’t understand why I watch it at all. And I was raised in like a very strict and religious house growing up and they made it seem like porn is a path straight to hell. And maybe it is, I don’t know. But I guess I’m just looking for like an unbiased level headed opinion on it?