Found my husband on dating apps

A week ago when I was looking through apps on our family plan and noticed that Grinder (the male dating/hooking up app) was on there. In the past I’ve caught my husband using it before but have decided to work past it together.

I confronted him about it and at first he tried to hide it but I showed him what I saw it was then he said it was just a fantasy something to get off to. I wanted to see what was on there but I asked instead of snooping through his phone, sending pictures back and forth? Yes. Sexting? Yes. Multiple people? Yes. Did you meet up with any of them? No. (That I’m not so sure about honestly.) He claims he’s not even interested in men but yet he’s on this app not just once but multiple times. All of this during postpartum for me where I could not physically have sex and that was his excuse, that and we were having a rough patch. It wouldn’t be so bad had I not caught him last time when I was pregnant/going through postpartum. Last time was “fantasies” with call girls but supposedly never meeting them either.

Now when I wake up, I’m upset, heart broken and sometimes I just cry. My heart feels broken again and my trust is to zero after we had worked so hard on trying to fix things. I can’t stop thinking about the betrayal(s). He wants to work it out but when I look at him I just start crying. He doesn’t even see it as actually cheating but I do. It doesn’t matter men or women, when you’ve made contact (physically or online) with a real person it’s no longer a fantasy it’s become a reality. I don’t know if I can move past this, it has become a pattern that I cannot ignore and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life wondering if my partner is going to be faithful to me but it also breaks my heart even more to think things are probably ending.