Rock bottom

Long time lurker first time poster. I think I hit my rock bottom last night for drinking. I blacked out at the bar and my friend called me an uber home and somehow between the 15 minutes home from the bar to my house I got her account cancelled. My boyfriend said I came home screaming and crying with some random guy helping me in (and my friend said I had a woman uber driver) and that I came in at 2 in the morning when my friend had called the uber at midnight. My boyfriend also said I was leaving random voicemails in gibberish. I have no idea what happened at all and am filled with so much shame. I don’t deserve the good people in my life and I want to crawl in a hole and shut everyone out so I don’t hurt anyone else with my drinking.