Fear (a long one)

"We have nothing to fear, but fear itself". Franklin D Roosevelt

After a conversation with a very close friend, I realized that this quote, means more than many of us may realize.

Anxiety, panic attacks, fear, these are all factors that we use to hold ourselves back. We use them not willingly, but quite effectively, from allowing ourselves to function, to grow, to transcend and become the things that we are truly meant to be.

We allow our own inner faers to stop us from taking risks. Risks that are absolutely important to our progress in this life.

Sometimes we allow the fears, to become so great, that they interfere with some of our most basic wants and needs.

To the extreme, fear of death, the unknown, the end of us as we are, our perception of our own selves.

Psychedelic users often chase this when they try to experience ego death, a term I just recently learned. Now knowing it's definition I can see that people experience ego death quite often when they allow fear to stop them from being them.

I too I'm a victim of fear, my situation and the things that led me here have left me afraid of a relationship of an intimate nature, because of how my last one ended and how ultimately destructive it was.

It felt like my heart had shattered into so many pieces they were like stars shimmering in the night. It was like trying to hold a supernova from exploding, with just my hands. It was impossible. After nearly 20 years, when she left, it felt like my entire world had collapsed. From the ruins and wreckage of my life.

I don't know how it happened, but it seems that I lost a lot of my fear, all except for the fear of another relationship, one where I would have to expose my weakness, my heart.

This conversation with my sweetest friend and her fears, have brought about an awareness in me,. An awareness of the fact that fear is our single biggest enemy. It's not in what we think we are afraid of, but that we feel this fear. It is fear in and of itself that is limiting us.

We are all preprogrammed and wired for fear, in order to keep ourselves safe, but we have to let go of our fears, whatever they may be, place trust in the path that your higher power is taking you.

In my life I often thought that I had control,which is an absolute illusion. I like analogies and my favorite was one was where my life was like trying to climb a mountain and every path that I took there was someone waiting there to kick me in the face, so I would choose a different path.

Now however, my analogy has changed, it is one of a river, no matter how hard I try, I know I cannot make it to either shore. Instead of trying to fight against the currants that are taking me where I'm going, instead of trying to fight my way to the shore, I'm just going to ride the river where it takes me.

I know that the rapids will come and the white waters will rage and at times it feels like I might be drowning. However I'm just going to hold my breath and fight through it. I know that calm waters lay just beyond. Calm Waters where I can simply lay back and enjoy.

Don't be afraid. Just let go and be who you feel, who you know, you're supposed to be.

Light, love and peace to you all.

P.s. I don't know why it put NSFW on there maybe it's because I fucking swear a whole goddamn lot usually and don't really give a fuck LOL just thought I'd fucking put this up there so it would be the truth God damn it I mean Jesus fucking Christ rolfmao 🤪