how do i stop being afraid of women?

i've posted about this before somewhere else but i want to actually change. for one, i'm 17 and in high school, and i just have this very odd fear of women. i feel like anything i do will be seen as creepy, and so i come off as REALLY aloof as much as possible. i also avoid doing work with them, talking to them, anything. if there is a conversation at all i don't make eye contact, and while it isn't in my control, i talk in a really monotone voice. i often feel like my face is disgusting and i don't want them to feel revolted looking at me.

i don't want to learn to speak to them so i can sleep with them or whatever. i think when i view women i see them as something i really just can't understand or trust, like they have some ulterior motive if i was to get close. i grew up with a mom and a sister who were all over the place, that's a whole different story. i always feel like i'd need to "measure up" to even speak to women on a platonic level.

i also feel like i rely way too much on female validation when i do get it, and it'll cause me to be pretty open to them even if i get hurt. that fear of vulnerability makes me run pretty often, though these things only happen online. i've never had a meaningful relationship with a girl in real life, ever, and i wasn't allowed to speak to girls growing up.

all i want is to view them in a platonic way and not value their validation so much like it's some end all be all. i want to be loved, but that's something i want to discover in a slow burn manner. friends to lovers type thing lol.

i will also note -- i am painfully socially anxious as a whole, i have "niche" hobbies (anime, visual novels, JRPGs, weird books) so i don't really find people with similar tastes as me in real life in general.

how do i stop being afraid of women?