How can i just be happy with myself and stop feeling so lonely or obssesed with wanting to be in a relationship?

I'm 30M. Im lonely.

I just want to be happy, ive not been in a relationship in over 9 years and even that felt like it only happened because i pretended to be who i wasn't.

I have two friends that are my world, i get along with people at work and they shower me with praise that seems at least be somewhat genuine. How im a "great guy and you'll find someone that see its" or "i cant believe youre single".

Im not attractive, i know that. Im not tall, im overweight and although im working on that and have recently went down from 140kg down to 113kg i know i still have a long way to go.

Im accepting of people, i grew up religious and biggoted but then when i was 15 or so i really really started to change and im happy with everyone so long as everyone is safe.

I know i have self esteem issues, i mean i clearly obviously do and i have gone therapy and continued to for years and ive even asked the question and the best asnwer i got was "youre allowed to want companionship jsut like everyone else" and honestly that never made me feel any better or think any better.

Obviosuly we have our own minds and free will and choices we can make so obviosuly its not like some weird shitty incel I DEMAND LOVE

I just dont get it, i would have thought that JUST by chance, just even by meeting people that SOMEONE could be interested in me to even just spend time with me or one date or something.

I hear about how shitty some people i knows relationships are, how bad and toxic they can be and how i "give good advise" when i tell people to advocate for themselves. But sometimes i really think, "damn i dont even get to have a chance in a shit relationship, let alone a good one"

I know im now obsessing over it and clearly im not attractive. I dont even mean in the physical sense, i mean i am not attracting people to see me in any favourable light. So physically, or mentally, or personality wise. I can only assume that at this point i do not have the qualities that people find desireable. So how can i accept that in my heart? How can i stop thinking about this major part of human lives and just be ok with being single. How can i reallly be happy with myself?

I dont lie about who i am to people, i stopped trying to impress people by seeming better and have been myself as much as possible. I do go out with friends and im not cooped up at home all the time. I go pottery classes cause its relaxing and have made great friends and its been a nice hobby. I go gym to help my health but also so that i might look a bit better and help me lose some weight while i diet. I go archery cause fuck it why not its kinda cool and also made some nice friends there. Im trying to keep busy, but sometimes i just feel like im trying to fill this lonely void that my friends cant fill. That they just dig deeper by telling me "how great i am" "whattt youre single? wow i always forget/ so surprised".

Im really sorry and delete this mods if this isnt exactly correct place to vent but i am seriosuly asking what do you actually do when youre just not enough for the things you somehow feel you desperatly want? When youre trying and have been trying for years to be better and improve yourself mentally and physically and socially? If im gonna be alone, how can i just be happy with that because im so tired of trying and failing.