The online experience of adopting/buying a dog is horrendous

I grew up with dogs and have wanted my own for years. All day long I see people walking these nice, well-adjusted dogs so I head to google to try find one and it's an absolute minefield.

First stop is Petfinder to adopt a rescue. Every bio is unhinged and gets progressively worse. Most of them are written in first person and are something like: "I'm the sweetest girl and love my foster mom. I pull slightly on walks out of excitement and get nervous around new people and environments. I've been a bit reactive around children (never broke the skin) so would do best in a home where you can get me all to yourself. I vocalize and get mischievous when left alone and need a family that can give me lots of love during the day."

Also, they're never in the location it says. It's always something like "I have my luggage ready to leave Alabama and meet my lucky new family!". And this after filtering out the 70% of dogs that are just pitbulls with some obfuscated breed name.

So then I try to find a puppy but supposedly every breeder is evil and every purebred dog has crazy health issues? People can't even get good breeder recommendations because every comment is just attacking them for even asking.

So finally I check out the subreddits of specific breeds to find some actual success stories and maybe info on how they got their dogs. Well, online dog owners are so annoying and infantilizing that it's putting me off of dog ownership altogether. They talk about "walkies" and "zoomies" with their little family member and forgive all behavioral issues as endearing parts of their little personalities.

I'm at a loss.