This is a real conversation I had with an instacart shopper tonight.

This woman looking like she hasnt showered in weeks, smelling like she was just baptized in an ashtray and just shit her pants walks up to me and says, "I need help" She pulls out her phone and shows me a photograph of parsley. I looked closely to find it was parsley in our bulk department. We keep our bulk spices in glass jars and you put however much you need in a plastic bag. I show her and start to walk away.

"WAIT!!! DONT GO ANYWHERE. I NEED YOU!!", she says.

Me: "What do you need?"

"I have two orders going at once and I don't know where any of the items are on either one."

Me: "ummmmmm????"

"How do I get the parsley?"

Me: "you put however much you need in the bag"

"The customer wants 0.6 oz, but I don't know how to convert these ounces to pounds on my phone."

Me: "you don't have to. Just put 0.6 oz in a bag."

(Her messing with her phone frantically) "I think my phone is broken!!! It's not letting me convert ounces to pounds."

Me: "I don't know what you mean."

"I think I'll just take the whole jar "

Me: "You can't take the jar. Just put it in the bag."

"I don't know how. I need to convert to lbs."

Me: "just eyeball it"

"HAHAHAHA EYEBALL IT?? REALLY? I'll just take the whole jar"

Me: "you can't have the jar. It belongs to us. If you need a scale you can use the scales in produce to weigh out 0.6 oz."

"Really? I have to go to produce!!!?"

I start to walk away.

"NO I STILL HAVE A WHOLE BUNCH MORE QUESTIONS."

Me: "What do you need?"

"Since you are SO busy, I'll find someone else."

Me: "Look, I'll be around once you figure out your predicament."

So I am working about 20 minutes and this broad comes back up to me and my boss.

"Where is this item?" (Shows me a crab boil)

Me: "it's in meat and seafood, underneath the giant meat and seafood sign opposite to us."

"But it says that's it's in grocery spices. Why does it say that?"

Me: (about to lose my shit)" it's a grocery item but it's next to the seafood because it pairs with seafood."

My boss: "you know what, I'll go get it for you."

(My boss comes back with the item.)

Her: "So this is your departments item, yet you keep it in the meat department?"

My boss: "it does not matter"

Her: "I have a lot of questions. I need help."

My boss: "I can answer 2 more questions for you, but that is it."

Her: "how about four?"

My boss: "fine"

They walk away. And I am just still so flabbergasted that 30ish minutes of my time was wasted on this.