Becoming a parent meant giving up everything

Our daughter is 8 months old now. I believed that I could have a balance between being a parent and life outside of being a dad. No one fed me this fantasy, and my wife was in fact concerned that I might feel that she was pressuring me to have a kid when in fact she did not. I thought about the decision for multiple years, did not have kids at all young, and even read this subreddit before to question my decision. Oh how life loves irony.

What I got was a baby who is who cute but screams, cries, and is an endless well of needs. What it cost me was every single one of my hobbies, my fitness (I feel like crying just seeing myself in the mirror, I've gained > 40 lbs out of stress eating), the ability to travel, closeness in my relationship with my wife, and my sex life. The only positive things left in life which we have going for us are that we still care about each other when we rarely can talk and we don't have to stress about money. Just about every other good thing in life is gone.

Although I know it has been hard on my wife as well, I think she believes we are in a similar situation when we are not. It's not just that there is no time left over for doing anything that creates joy: I am so tired, miserable, and worn out that I cannot even think of anything which sounds good that is doable when I get time off. The only things I can look forward to are food and sleep. The goal of sleep is not to wake up feeling rested and rejuvenated, it is so that I can be absent from my life.

This is the only subreddit I know of where people would actually understand the gut wrenching guilt of being so angry at a small child that you actually want to harm them. I am so angry at her sometimes that my whole body shakes and I would do nearly anything to silence that hell-spawned noise emanating from her. I'm somewhat noise sensitive in general, not a good quality for the parent of an unusually fussy baby.

Life is never static, so if I can make it another four years maybe the situation will evolve and I'll be able to handle being a parent, but four years might as well be forever and I can't live like this.