ZOCD recovery

This is my first time talking about this, ever. Step one, i suppose. This is less about ZOCD specifically, and more based on my experience with a further extent of it. I’m not going to in depth about ZOCD because i don’t want to get banned, honestly. This is something i’ve been feeling for months, i’ve been finding myself in the wrong parts of the internet with another issue im also recovering from— and i discovered, as ill simply call it Z🐶, Im horrified at the things i’ve seen, the things i’ve searched for. I feel like a disgusting irredeemable human being, despite never having physically done anything.

I’m terrified of who i could become, i need advice on how to take the first step. I don’t know where to go about this, there is no one i can talk to about this, being a minor, i couldn’t even go to therapy without my family having to find out. Please help me understand where to start.