Relapsed in another state

Relapsed in another state. I just want to work and get back on the grind. But I feel embarrassed and ashamed. It’s me again. Also I think everyone knows who I am here haha so come at me !

Just being as asshole Pissing people Off And I’m a girl but literally I feel like and look like a man rn.

I lost the femininity I finally got back :( I finally loved myself like fr and felt normal :( but I know things r diff bc I left, the people who loved and carried me in my recovery probably don’t trust me anymore.

Should I go back or stay or or or or

Nobody can tell me what to do and nobody wants to do that.

I’m sad bc I literally basically killed myself for no reason literally no reason. But insanity.