Once you move out, do you guys somehow regress back to feeling guilty?

My nmother and enabling dad...ever since I moved out they've just been better. But I experienced a skill regression :( I absolutely can't handle an argument, and I can barely sleep when I'm home.

I'm 21, and I'm realising how much I'm scared of becoming my mother's daughter. She gossips and judges everyone for food habits, and relationships, and what not. Until I agree with her, she won't budge, won't let me end the conversation (even late at night) or sleep. But it has had the effect of me disliking my dad's family (to be fair, they have treated us, and my dad, like shit)

But I feel so guilty now, I was a willing accomplice to her triangulating my dad and cutting him off from everyone. At the same time, she is behaving so much kinder than before to me, since I moved out. Plus I gossiped with her, I feel like a terrible person. I'm scared I've been her/am becoming her.

I'm back home for christmas break, I'm a Master's student. I also have taken a career choice that isn't gonna be best paying, and while I'm passionate about it, I'm cursing myself, cause they'll never be convinced I can take care of myself, and follow me everywhere, as long as it's within this country.

I'm an only child, they have no reason not to. Anyone else scared they've done things awfully similar to their nparent?

Also sometimes I feel like she deliberately fed me so many research stats about food and shamed everyone, it sort of feels deliberate, making me distrust science. Because research papers, somewhat remind me of her, and how she'll stop the movie we're watching halfway and yap on about how sugar spikes are SO dangerous to health, for half an hour, all while my dad is eating a small dessert. But isn't ot all because she just doesn't sit well with seeing either of us happy? Feels that way

Anyone else feel like science, or, let's say "science" was used against them by their nparent?? I'm a nerd, I grew up watching documentaries..I wish I could separate what I know from what she deliberately lied to me about.