i was pro life til it happened to me ..

First off I just wanna say im probably the biggest fucking hypocrite right now. I have an appointment for an abortion tomorrow and im fucking scared. I watched a video of the abortion procedures for 1st,2nd,3rd trimester and I fucking ugly cried because how sad it actually is. It doesn’t sit right with me But yet im still going through with getting one because im in no position to have a baby. I can’t give this baby a stable comfortable life and I feel like its fucked up to bring a baby on this earth when sometimes I don’t even wanna be here anymore. Maybe I’m just brainwashed cause of how religious my family is (they do not know of course) but I’m scared I’m going to hell. I feel so far away from God. I guess the point of this post is to see if anyone else has ever been in this situation or if anyone has had a surgical procedure done in the first trimester how was your experience? Is it worse or better than the medication process?? I have a few hours to decide I’m honestly so scared