I won’t look at porn today.

The last few months I’ve completely relapsed into compulsive porn use. When I’m not watching, I’m craving it or thinking about it. Cravings are triggered by even seeing a picture of an attractive woman. I’ve been PMOing multiple times a day. It’s distracting and prevents me from being present with the people in my life. I feel like I have a shameful secret and that I’m a bad person.

I’m visiting family right now who I rarely see. Last night I went to my room and PMO’d until 2am. I slept in and missed a beautiful sunny morning. I feel awful about it.

Even getting through a single day clean feels impossible right now. My record is 90 days porn free and I remember how clear and guilt free I felt then. I want to do that again.

But to start, just today. No porn today. I’m going to enjoy the sunshine. I hope you do too.