4,013 Videos. 4,373 Photos. Dozens of Bookmarks. All Gone.

I reached my breaking point this morning. Over the past 10 years, I've gone through a constant "Binge/Purge" cycle in combating my porn addiction. Last night when I was lying in bed, I decided that I had enough of this poison. That I was sick of it controlling my life.

Over the course of the summer (May to August), I went on a MASSIVE binge (my worst one ever): a total of 4,013 videos and 4,373 photos all downloaded and saved onto TWO separate flash drives. I maxed out the storage space on BOTH flash drives, and the combined storage space was nearly 1TB.

In addition, I had DOZENS of bookmarks with links to lesser-known porn sites with nearly endless quantities of pirated material that I wanted access to "for the future".

This morning, I made the deliberate decision to rid myself of this trash once and for all. I had to work today, so purposely decided to wait right until I had to leave for work so I wouldn't have time to sit around and fret over it.

I fired up my laptop, plugged in both flash drives, hit "ctrl a" and let the nearly 10-minute deletion process begin. While that was happening, I singled out each porn bookmark I had on my browser, hit "ctrl shift", and wiped them away.

Once everything was deleted, I shut my laptop, grabbed my keys, and rushed out the door. On my way to work I immediately felt a surge of anxiety and mild regret. But once I arrived at work and was busy doing tasks, after a few hours I felt a sense of peace. Like a weight had been lifted.

I'm tired of the brain fog. I'm tired of the shame. I'm tired of sexualizing every woman that I see. I'm tired of feeling like a creepy loser.

I'm ready to heal. I'm ready to fix myself. I'm ready to live. I know that I have a long road ahead of me, that it's been less than 24 hours, and that I've lost track of how many times I've tried to beat this addiction over the years, but it's a road that I'm truly ready to walk down now.