I went through something while I was under anesthesia and it has sort of messed me up

So recently I went through a surgery and was put under anesthesia for the first time in my life. While I was under anesthesia, I obviously couldn't feel anything but I could think or that my mind was sort of working. I was convinced that I am dead and sort of had a vision of another portal or infinity maybe. It was all dark, like a never ending darkness and I was sort of floating in it. And all I could hear was this voice that seemed like a computer generated voice and it kept saying this over and over again, "You are born. You grow old. You die". It was just a never ending cycle of this. And everytime I would feel this sudden confusion of being born into an unknown world, a sense of struggle of going through a difficult life and then a sudden feeling of everything just ending abrubtly. It was like being born and then growing up and then dying over and over again, except for it happened very very quickly. There was no physical pain but it was mentally agonizing. The confusion, the helplessness, the darkness. At one point, I sort of pleaded (I couldn't speak so I thought about how desperately I want to break free from this cycle of life and death) and then the same voice said that this is infinity and it's never gonna end. So I was struck with a feeling of being stuck in this infinite darkness forever.

When the doctors woke me up, I was crying and I was confused and I had intentionally stopped breathing and they were sort of yelling at me to not hold my breath and breathe. Eventually I was okay and was discharged the next day.

Even after I came back home, I've been having these recurring dreams where I feel like I am stuck in the dream and I am forever gonna stay stuck here and that I will never experience reality again or there was no reality to even begin with. I constantly feel like I am in a simulation or that everything exists because I believe it does and the moment I will stop believing, everything will cease to exist and I don't know when that moment is gonna come but it'll be irreversible and I will lose everything in the blink of an eye. Maybe that's what physical death is.

I also believe that I am alive in some other simulation as well. That this isn't the only life. Eversince this experience, I've been having a hard time believing in the concept of God. I used to think God was some magical entity but now I feel like God or whoever created everything and is controlling everything, is some tech savvy entity or that there was a life form before us that became extremely technologically advanced that they ended up creating us. That human beings are a creating of some computer program or something and we are all just some data in a database and destiny or fate is written in if-else statements. That nothing really happens for a reason and everything happens randomly.

How we have been told that God says Kun and things happen, that it could be like a press of a button or a running of a command or a query. How it's said that how we see God is a direct reflection of how we see our selves, so are we in control? Does God exist because we think He does? What the fuck is going on. Who is in control. How are we so sure that our religion that our version of everything is superior and correct than everyone else's? How God is the wisest and He could have just sent one book and could have gotten it right the first time rather than sending in updates that would lead to differences and chaos. How so many people don't even consider the possibility of being wrong. How things could be totally different after death than what they believe in or are told to believe in. How everything we gain in this life, we eventually have to lose.

Everything has lost its meaning to me. I feel demotivated. For some odd reason, I no longer fear death because I don't see it as an end. I feel like we keep going from one portal to another and this goes on for eternity. How maybe we are a product of some technology. My thoughts are still very raw. I'm confused but I'm no longer scared of things I guess because nothing seems to matter anymore.