i didn't kill myself today!

i (24F) considered overdosing on pills this morning but this is a relatively unsafe method; i might not die and end up severely disabled. so i didn't do it, even if the urge was beating on me like a drum. i'm jobless, ugly (a virgin!) no relevant skills whatsoever, dysfunctional family life, suspected audhd (dad has it, brother has it, the last is properly diagnosed) + depressed/socially anxious. i booked a visit to the doctor, outlined my life disorder to him, hoping i'd get some meds to help me escape the state i'm in — ritalin could really help...and i gained absolutely nothing, just a referral to a psychiatrist, to complete a thousand of tests i barely have money to pay. my brother is depressed as well and abandoned school and i'm wondering how long will i tolerate this

i basically live in a deserted village, no infrastructure to speak of, no culture, no technology, no schools around, nothing of the sort. i've always dreamt of leaving this place but i keep getting older and my attemps at leaving fail so badly and so often...there is no point in living when one is a failure unable of achieving their goals. i love my brother, and i'd like to be his friend forever, although, at the same time, it doesn't sound like much of a reason to remain alive.