Took my ex wife back just to get revenge and break her heart

Me and my ex wife have been spilt for a long time but the last year and a half I’ve been sleeping with her , giving her mixed signals , telling her I still love her and etc while dating other women .

Me and my ex wife had the perfect marriage two boys and the same ole story happened to me . I was the typical nice guy perfect husband did everything right and she meets some guy at work and ruins everything thinking the grass is greener leaving me heartbroken.

It was super humiliating. It was one of those scenarios where everybody knows except the person being cheated on. Sides were chosen and people I thought were our friends as a couple covered up her lies and even made me feel like I was crazy and insecure when I first got my suspicions I had to cut off half my friend group .

But I always knew the day would come when she comes crawling back . She tried to jump off ship but this guy just wanted sex and it was quite obvious from the beginning but I guess she was delusional and thought more would happen after leaving her husband.

I’m kind of giving her this impression that we could still get back together but I just need more time for our trust to comeback but honestly that train passed a long time ago. I’m not even really attracted to her anymore . She’s still beautiful honestly she might have even gotten more attractive with age

but when I look at her I just feel humiliation and I cringe at my past self bringing her flowers every week , writing her love poems and etc and she thinks that this old guy is coming back but I don’t even think it’s possible even if I wanted to .

I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do going forward I haven’t thought this far ahead but I plan to keep her in limbo for as long as I can while dating other women but my trust issues have prevented me from seriously dating anyone. 7 years I was with her I swear I didn’t even LOOK at other women. Meanwhile she was having full relationships and had friends cover up for her

I was casually dating a divorced woman who basically went through the same and she was a sweetheart but she let her ex husband guilt her on getting back together for the kids. But she was honest with me didn’t lead me on so I understood and still look at her fondly and admire her a lot. I wasn’t ready at the time anyway . But my ex wife thinks we are getting back together and I’m heartbroken over another lady lol . I never loved anyone but my ex wife previously but to experience these feelings with another person kind of changed my perspective.

I didn’t see my ex wife as this perfect 1 of 1 princess that was so amazing and blah blah . Just someone I used to love . The rose tinted glasses were off .

But now my dilemma is that everyone is confused. Even the kids are getting confused. Family members are confused. And I am starting to feel a little bad about it because I just don’t love her the same anymore and she’s trying to revive something that’s dead and she’s giving it 100% but I can’t forgive her . She set back my life , the divorce was messy and I did nothing wrong i even accepted that she moved on but she still made the divorce difficult when she was leaving me , I used to live in a house now I live in a apartment, so many more things happened over a two year period where I’ll never look at her the same . I’m not even the same man anymore and I travel for work and I just can’t do it . I can’t take back a woman that was cheating on me while I’m traveling and working hard for the family and now everytime I leave for two days I’m paranoid and the bad guy for not moving on a trusting her . Forget that

Update : I told her my feelings how I don’t feel the same anymore but there was moments were I was trying but most of the time I couldn’t get over it and we should be coparents . I texted it

She’s upset and flipping out but i accepted it