Phantom shitter stories?

On one of my deployments, I had the following email from my COB

"All hands, I'd never thought I'd have to say this in my career, but there's a first time for everything. DO NOT SHIT IN FCUL HEAD SHOWER AND DO NOT WAFFLE STOMP IT "

You read that right, somebody (probably a coner) shit in the shower and tried to waffle stomp it down the drain.