The manipulation has left me all over the place

Sometimes I’m left so confused whether my parents are actually that toxic or not. They go from stern and harsh to loving and caring so fast, and I can’t even seem to catch my own breath.

Some days I feel super grateful for them, and then the next day I just want to pack up my things and never come back.

I can’t say anything back. Being in the position of a parent is so powerfully dangerous. Anything I say is shut down, used against me, I’m left there, struggling to hold on and even trust myself.

I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes. I have endured this for so long, and I just need to keep chugging along. All I have is me, and that’s all I ever am going to have permanently, so bring it on.