Feel like total shit after *nsfw adult activities*

First of all, I apologize for the clunky wording I just don't wanna breach the rule about explicit material lmaooo

Hey there, just wanted to see what other people had to say on the matter in relation to personal experience or just information/opinions regarding the issue. The long and short of it is that 9 times out of 10 whenever I partake in *nsfw adult activities*, whether that's alone in my room or with a partner, I just IMMEDIATELY feel like total shit. Sometimes I feel like total shit during, more so if we're talking self-administered activities.

I don't really know why? I admittedly HAVE had a history of pretty lame sexual partners before, but only one encounter that was truly "traumatic" for lack of a better term. Now I know that seems like an easy explanation, but these feelings have been around foreeeeeever and I'm 25. I'm talking like I felt this way at 16 and have ever since. It's just like this vacuum opens up in my soul and I feel empty, sometimes depressed, sometimes disgusted, sometimes angry, sometimes really anxious and panicky. If it's self-administered I tend to mostly feel hollow and occasionally sad/disgusted. When it's with another partner the panic and the frustration or emptiness is more prevalent. Not always during the act, but very common after the "conclusion" so to speak.

But hey, I've had some great experiences with some really great people especially within the last 16 months and it confuses me as to WHY it's happening, and doubly so why it would happen with cool people who I share a fun consensual great time with? I know it's not repressed asexuality because I still have a fairly active libido.

Thoughts?