Addicted to causing discourse and drama

I cannot break a cycle of generating discourse, regretting it, then doing the same exact thing over and over until solid, not-fixable consequences happen

For example, being banned from a Discord server for causing exactly discourse in any way - be it by saying any type of controversial opinion just to get people to comment and reply. It's such a hazy thing for me - it all feels fuzzy or 'liquid' when I think of it, or even, try to remember moments when i'm doing it. I feel like someone who's addicted to cigarettes or drugs. I do recognize this is likely due to the adhd I am diagnosed but chose to not take medicatio ndue to health concerns and financial concerns. It also has a sexual component in which I seek unconciously to be reprimanded and suffer physical consequences like being thrown around and other sexual practices. Furthermore it also has a political-mental health connection as I know and agree my political opinions are the way they are (basically reactionary) because of my frustrations, past and present. I'm sincerely a little lost. I just got banned again and I like it. I've been prevented from being a nuisance to others. It's a better place now because i'm not in there.