How Do I Stop Loving Being Misreable?

How do I (17 M) stop loving being misreable all the time? I hate it when people offer me compassion or kind words. I absolutely hate it. I just want to shut them all out and not hear them at all like covering my ears and saying "LA LA LA LA!" They're never fulfilling and just makes me feel uncomfortable unlike banter. For some reason, I am drawn to banter and rude words like a fly is to a source of light. It hurts me, but it's fulfilling to me for some reason. I'm addicted to it. It makes me feel sad yes, it makes my heart ache a lot especially when my friends constantly call me stupid or an idiot; but it feels like I enjoy pity. Pitying myself. Being "happy" is scary, but I want to see how it's like. How do I do this? Be "happy" instead of misreable?