Divorcing in 4th year. Need help :(
big questions at the end
4th year (plus a year for MD-MPH). Apps sent a month ago. Been together over 10 years now. Half writing this as a vent and half needing some help from anyone who has been in this situation.
My wife and I have been fighting a lot. She hates where we live for school. She hates my friends. She says she makes all the sacrifices for me, I don't try hard enough and that she never fully trusted me. We did move to my school together as a joint decision and she swore up and down she'll like it here. I turned down my dream school in my dream city to move near her PhD program for med school. This city isn't my favorite, but my friends are here and I like it well enough.
We took a break from each other for two months during which she battered me with critical calls/texts threatening divorce. I was terrified and begged her to stay. We're back together now and she's acting like everything is back to normal. I was hoping for this "normal" for months, but now that its here, I feel like I've fallen out of love. Everything she does irritates me. How she's a slob. How I do all the cooking and cleaning and pay all the bills with my student loans. How she's always pessimistic about everything and everyone. Sex with her makes me feel queasy and unsatisfied. She says she'll be happy when we leave this city and my friends behind. I'm doubtful.
I ended up wasting my most of my few precious signals based on where she wanted to go and not where I wanted to go. Thankfully I still got a ton of interviews at my top programs (and not the ones she told me to signal, shockingly). I even got one at the dream school/city I turned down all those years ago.
I'm upset, not sleeping, emotionally exhausted, and conflicted on how to move forward. Maybe I'm not thinking straight. I want to end things. I'm not happy.
- Do I leave my good-not-great home program and friends here and try to leave for my dream program?
I'm scared to divorce and then leave my social support I built here and be alone across the country. I could email my home PD tomorrow and say I want to stay and they'll have me. Or I can risk it with the dream program.
I know this shouldn't matter. But I'm so worried about judgement from my friends about divorce. They're all just getting married and now mine is ending. Be honest. How would you react to a friends divorce?
If anyone has gone through divorce during med school/residency, how did you get through it? How do you deal with the stress and shame and tough decisions.