Managing an employee who doesn't like you

Hey everyone. I'm making this post because right now I don't know how to move forward. I'm fairly new to a leadership position. I was recently promoted, so I'm essentially middle management, and my previous job was my first leadership role - so, the only models I've had for management techniques (aside from my experience as a non-leadership staff member) has been within this small team.

I currently have a small team who I manage, and from all feedback I've been given and/or the vibe of the regular coaching meetings I have with my team, I seem to be liked well enough. However, we have a newer employee who seems to have an issue with me or my management style, and I'm not really sure how to fix the problem or where my responsibility to fix it stops and the employee's begins.

Overall, this employee is an extremely enthusiastic, good-natured, energetic and positive person - which is also what throws me for a loop! However, starting even during their training - which I oversaw - they seemed not to receive constructive criticism well. Towards the end of our training process, this employee was completing some work that was deviating quite problematically from what they had been taught throughout their training, and they were demonstrating a lack of attention to/understanding of pretty basic information that they should have known. At that time, I did say to that employee that I expected them to know this information by this stage, and brought up some of the performance issues I had seen in their aforementioned work. During this particular interaction, though I can say with certainty that I was never unprofessional or unkind, I know that I was a little terser than I usually am, and the employee picked up on that. I made sure to apologise for my delivery of their coaching at that time, and reiterated the things I needed them to work on. Their reaction to this feedback before that acknowledgement from me that I could have been a little gentler in my delivery, was quite emotional and reactionary. It alarmed me a little bit, how quickly and easily this employee became defensive when, again, my delivery of this feedback may not have been my usual sunshine-and-rainbows, but was well within the bounds of respectful and professional. By the end of that conversation, it seemed like we'd worked it out: I'd made the commitment to be more mindful of my tone, the new employee had explained some of the reasons behind their emotional reaction, and we'd come to a seemingly-positive agreement.

Clearly, however, that was not the case. In the majority of our interactions, this employee and I are friendly and have very pleasant chats - however recently I have had to deliver some constructive criticism again, and it did not go over well. This time around, I was extremely careful to be very gentle, to be extra kind and friendly, and to make sure I was communicating this in a positive and upbeat tone. The employee immediately became shut down and argumentative.

I offered that it's totally okay for the two of us to disagree, and that I'm in no way intending to criticise them as a person. I suggested that the employee review their work with this feedback in mind, to see if they could see what I see - and if not, to let me know that they disagree with my assessment, and I would be more than happy to talk about it further and definitely want to hear their thought processes and opinions. The employee simply refused to do this. I suggested it gently again, and again they refused. I let it go at that time because, given their reaction to our last conversation like this, I really didn't want to negate all the ground I thought we'd made up since then. I brought the interaction up with my superiors during our next conversation, and made it known (not for the first time) that the employee seems to have an issue with taking negative feedback - at least when I deliver it - and meets that feedback with responses and attitudes that I think are a little unprofessional/inappropriate.

I've recently heard that this employee is considering leaving the role. They've not said that it is directly related to me: they've quoted a difference in pay from their previous role as a stressor for them, also. But they have noted that they don't think they belong here, that they don't feel appreciated, and that there's no "place" for them in this team. These kinds of comments echo the employee's response to the feedback I had to give them recently - namely that this feed back "essentially means you don't want me to be myself" - so I'm fairly sure that these conversations are the root cause.

Our team is so small with such a big workload, and my superior's love this employee. I don't love their work quite as much, but I do value them and their contribution to the team, and I'd be heartbroken to know that someone left a role because of me.

I want to rectify the situation, and of course I want this employee to be happy in their job. But I also know that receiving feedback is a critical element in our team culture, and looking back on all of my interactions with this person I truly don't know what else I could have done to deliver that feedback any more compassionately.

Maybe this is just venting, but I guess I'm also hoping for some advice/perspectives/reassurance from more experienced leaders outside of my tiny bubble.

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