Triggered by everything, I’m so tired

It’s me again… here to vent & looking for some advice I suppose… it’s been about a month since my PA promised not to watch any porn at all after I had found out. Anyways, a few mins ago we had a little argument (not related to porn) we were talking about me finding out he had deleted a few messages & he didn’t want me to find out. Fast forward a little, he ended up saying “I’ve been trying to fuck you but all you want to do is argue” (again, the argument was about the deleted messages) but to my surprise he finished off his sentence by saying “then you wonder why i want to jack off to porn”. That honesty quickly shut me up. It hurt me so much that I told him that I don’t want to fuck him right now, but I know that when he gets back from work he’s going to want to do something. I’m just not sure if I’m emotionally going to be up for it. That sentence alone brought back so many feelings that I’ve been trying so hard to hide & forget that I just started crying. He left & im here in the room feeling worthless. In a way I feel like that sentence was out of line but at the same time I feel like it was a good thing because it tells me what it is that he wants. Brings back so much suspicion though. I’ve asked him these past few days if he’s watched porn again & he always says no but how do I believe that? Later on I’m afraid that if he wants to fuck & I don’t, he’ll resort to porn & that’s what scares me. It haunts me. I also get triggered so easily with certain words or if I see cute girls while we’re out. Everything is a trigger & I hate so much feeling this way. Like if I can’t let go but how do I let go? How can I cope?