How do you meticulously count calories without going crazy?

Hey, I feel terrible about myself, have a BMI of like 36 and am considered obese. Exercising right now is extremely painful, uncomfortable and discouraging. But I know diet is about 80%, so I'm trying to cut back but every time in the past that I've tried I've gotten so overwhelmed counting calories.

How do you log every single calorie meticulously without feeling like that's all you do all day? Or how to not feel terrible about eating and avoid calories altogether? Eventually logging calories was so tedious that it made me not even want to eat at all. Maybe that's the point I don't know.

What if I take one bite of something? How many calories was that? Do I tare the spoon on a scale and weigh the bite? What if I try a sip of my girlfriends coffee, how many calories is a sip? What if I weigh every ingredient first before preparing something but I drop some stuff or discard some of the original amount. Or how do I know the exact proportions of each ingredient I'm getting per serving? Some things are not homogenous by nature so each serving will technically be a little different depending if you get more say beans than rice, or more of one vegetable than another in your particular serving.

Aside from eating everything prepackaged and labeled, how do you reasonably count calories without feeling like it's the most tedious thing ever and go crazy? It feels like I spend 30 minutes+ a day calculating calories and still feel like I'm not exactly right, so I just want to not eat anything because it's such a pain in the ass to log every bite or sip of everything.

Again is that the point? Make eating so tedious and inconvenient that I never want to do it?

Any tips please, maybe I'm just a perfectionist but this is always maddening to me how to exactly accurately track calories without feeling like that's the only thought in your brain 24/7