You Convinced Me That I Didn't Have to Face Everything On My Own

And then left me on my own to face everything. And you wouldn't even tell me why. You never really told me how you felt. You never told me why everything changed so suddenly. You never told me anything at all.

My best friend of 13 years. My dog is very very sick. I don't know if she will make it. The person who has comforted me and kept me calm through all of this... Is tragically... Off limits in that regard. It's a shame too because their are so few options in this world. So few people compatible. So few mutual attractions. So few kind souls. So few trustworthy. Finding all of that in one person seems impossible.

I didn't even want to. I didn't even believe. I didn't even care, but you would hear none of it. You convinced me that I could have what normal people have. That I could find a home. That I could find a partner to remain by my side in all things for the rest of my life.

Honestly, it feels like you just wanted me to suffer. You just wanted me to feel your loneliness. You wanted to know that you could break someone the way others have broken you.

Why couldn't you just let me be content in my aloneness? Why did you go so far just to mess with my head? I was fine with being alone in that regard. Standing on my own. Why would you ruin that for me?

Now it's in my head. Now I miss it, the constant companionship, the idea of an us, the continuous support. I have become weakened by the idea that someone could help carry the load, that I do not have to bare everything alone. Such a stupid fantasy, a fairytale, not meant for someone like me.

I hope this fades quickly and I can get back to who I once was. I am sick of longing for so much that is forever just out of my reach. I am tired of wishing for things that I know I will never have. I want to go back to appreciating what I do have.

You disrupted everything... And you never even told me why. Your silence has been extremely cruel and I honestly don't know how you manage to live with yourself. I don't understand why anyone would cause others so much pain and sorrow when they could so easily avoid it. I don't understand how you could cause so much damage by your silence when all you had to do was speak.