Just a rant

I don't know if I can say this on this sub but just wanted to vent out (tw - bad English, no I didn't reread before posting it sorry)

I 18f don't feel comfortable in my own skin, I don't know why and I am almost 6'ft as a girl and that made it all worse, I felt too big in the space that's why I never focused on activities like dancing or singing because in the end of the day because of my height I'll be in the very back, whole school life listened to taunts that I don't do any sports, because for some reason boys didn't like me, didn't want me in their teams so I started avoiding it in a very early age (no it's not because they felt uncomfortable around girls because they happily took other girls in their teams) I don't find clothes of my damn height, I am, well average in studies, have no hobbies, i did before but I stopped because my parents wanted my sole focus on studies. Never had a relationship because of how insecure I was the whole time also because most men were around my height they'd pass comments about how I should stop myself from getting any more tall, then I started feeling insecure about every single thing about me, my weight, face, voice, name (very stupid I know) during 10th grade I lost around 14-16 kg weight because I stopped eating i don't know blur memories but I remember trying to stay mostly on water, wanting to be thin as possible, got my mind back on track (akal aayi) around 54 kg? I wanted to be less than 50 kg but yeah now I have a problem of low BP too because of this stupidity of mine, i do not blame anyone, just wanted to share it somewhere where people won't say that I am playing victim when it's me who was a stupid teenager, so strangers it is, I am just glad I am out of that hell where I could barely make eye contact with anyone due to the fear of being judged, I now pretend (I am still trying to heal, don't know how much time it will take) that I am very comfortable and proud of my height and everything but in the end I still think about my that vulnerable version who couldn't hide it well :)))

Whoever is suffering from any insecurity just know that it's stupid to make yourself suffer to please others or take others seriously