I miss the pod

Hey all, just kind of wanted to vent here, and maybe get some feedback? I really miss the show. This might sound stupid but I think about them a lot and a good chunk of my dreams are about the pod still (I have extremely detailed and long dreams that I always remember. Even when I was still a member and watched the show, a lot of my dreams had the pod in them.)

I am 20 years old and I have been watching H3 since I was about 12. When they started making the pod, I was hooked. I have watched every single episode as it had came out. This was my biggest hyperfixation for all of those years. That was until the content court "incident."

I was, of course, watching live when the button had malfunctioned and they said that stuff to AB about how he was "making everything awkward" and "we have kids at home." My world kind of shattered in a sense. The façade was broken. My worst fears were confirmed. A reason i liked the pod so much was because of how messy and unapologetic Ethan was. Just a silly dude who doesn't always get it but, whatever, that's fine, it was entertaining and i don't have to agree with everything someone believes to enjoy their content. But the situation with AB rubbed me the wrong way. After that and the blow up he had on Moses... I kind of felt like he had lost the plot. I joined this sub and really had to accept that i wasn't comfortable watching the pod anymore. Not just that, but it had become boring to me. It broke my heart to accept. Now these recent weeks I have been contemplating coming back. I miss them a lot. I miss Ethan and all his messy behaviors. I canceled my 3 year membership about 4 months back. But i miss them. Would i be a bad person to go back to it? I understand too that i may not even enjoy it or find it as a comfort show anymore if i do, but i hate that ive missed out on so much. I want to start back at the place i left off. It will take a while to get caught up but i want to.

I really miss them. i miss Dan and Love. I miss all of the little inside jokes and the soundbites, I miss all of the little references and funny stuff. i miss laughing until my stomach hurt. But it just breaks my heart. Is it okay for me to go back? What does everyone think? I would love to hear from y'all and know what your thoughts are or if any of you resonate with any of this? Thank you