I never thought I'd come back to this

It's a bit of a story and rant and off my chest situation

I used to domme originally like a decade ago but then I had a sub that made me quit entirely. He liked degradation too much, refused aftercare and the scenes never stayed within the moment, they always forced to be spilled out into our everyday interactions. And even back then I knew that what the sub wants the sub gets but every time we interacted, it made me feel so dirty, like I was hurting him, you know?

Fast forward to now, I'm very happily married but I've sort of kept that side of me locked away.

He's amazing though. Anything I wanna try/do, he's always game. But I had this huge burden on me that what if I somehow say that I want to domme again and this amazing thing turns into what I experienced before so I never said anything

BUT

A few weeks ago we were smoking up and then I dunno, a switch flipped- and it was just so so natural. The praising, the banter, the way he took it and gave it back, the pleases and thank yous-

Like, this WAS what I was wanting all along??

Not always be so aggressive but to be all nurturing while teasing and edging and him just begging and whimpering or overstimming him until he can't think and him still being so excited and happy for it-

I mean sure, we reversed it all the time. When he's incharge, the way I swoon at the good girl is insane but when I ask who's my good boy, the way he shivers? God.

Yeah okay it's a long one but goodness.

I'm just happy to be fully into what I'm into and with a partner that's equally enthusiastic.