Torn between breastmilk and formula..

I'm a first time mom due on February 2nd. My initial plan was to exclusively pump milk and bottle feed, and give formula when needed. As I get closer to baby being here, I'm just so nervous and think I may only formula feed from the get go. I got the spectra s2 from my insurance because I thought it'd be best but now ofc I'm second guessing. I'm nervous about everything you can think of. Not sleeping enough and having to pump, will that make me not able to "mom" my best? Not being able to hold him as much because of being stuck to a pump. If I return this one and get a portable version would I have more success or easier time? What if I get engorged or mastitis and cant afford even more doctor visits or hold my baby. What if my milk doesn't even work well for him and now I'm stuck pumping to avoid mastitis. And then I think if I don't pump I'm not doing what should be best.

What helped you decide. Also what formula do you find the "cleanest?" I see some people use kabrita or kendamil is there a reason it's maybe better than well known similac or Enfamil?

I'll x post as I'm not sure where this belongs. Thanks