Messed up getting to know an INTJ, and hoping to learn from it. Anyone got some ENTP + INTJ experiences to share, that can help make sense of the issues at hand?

I met what seemed like a great INTJ on one of the apps. Guarded, sure, but very interesting and sincere. She wrote a profile-text I fell hard for, and I liked our conversations.

Her specific issues with me were my views on polyamory, and I guess mine with her was that what she looked for in a relationship was what I wanted, but she only offered a platonic friendship to me - with terms that didn't seem sincere to me at all.

And I truly underestimated how "bad" I am at handling the kind of tactical pressure she exuded, and, to my utter astonishment, how little I have really grown in this specific department despite being in a long-term relationship. Well, this is a different kind of pressure, very different from the INFJ pressure. (Emotional Whiteouts and hailstorms)

INTJs and ENTPs, each the other's shadow, and one way I noticed this is that we play a lot of mind-games. I mean that we both want to feel safe, and unconsciously try to edge into, a position of power and safety, by words, actions and all kinds of subtle behaviors. Yes, the INTJs are masterminds, but I also know how to dish it out. For the short while it has lasted, it was very rewarding, and also very challenging. When I reflect on it, she was preempting my moves, and as a response I was playing a continuous all or nothing, both taking some steps back along the way, but not reaching an equilibrium, at least if you look at me ending the match (I did write how I feel), and her ending/pausing her account.

That should suffice for context.

I would love to have a relationship with an INTJ, and I still want to talk to her and get to know her, but it truly seems I have underestimated not only my personal challenges, but also the general ones. I assume she at least in some fundamental sense is an equal to me, and so I feel challenged and pressured, which I want, but which is also stressful, and I am not used to this kind of pressure - but I am also certain I can find a way to better handle it. I know a willingness to work on these issues, and to stop running away, is a start, but has anyone "mastered" being in the INTJ + ENTP relationship/friendship-dynamic? What were the cruxes you had to overcome to make it work?

Would really appreciate some honest answers - I know it isn't just sunshine and rainbow when it comes to our shadow.