Self-abandonement with parents

I just got back from a week at my parents for the holidays. As usual, I have a nervous breakdown when I get back to my home. I thought this year would be different because of a lot of personal growth and improvements in boundary setting, but I failed. I realize that if I'm with my parents I will always self-abandon. No matter how much work i've done, or how strong I think i've gotten, I have a compulsion to conform to who they need me to be. Being in their presence breaks me down, and puts me back in the shoes of a neglected and depressed 16 year old teen with no wants and needs.

I hate this about myself, and even though I responded with anger when they crossed boundaries it just made me feel cruel and ungrateful. Please share any hope that things can get better, or similar struggles you have had. I want to love my parents, but all I have is so much anger.