I can't blame them

My skill at acting everything is okay is decent. But it's so strange people only see the outside and don't realize how deeply fucked up I am. If they knew about my dark thoughts... Then what, right? Most if them would only give me unhelpful advice that would make me hate myself even more. Or they'd call an emergency or something. I wish I knew a way out. Until then, let me have my stupid fantasies. Knowing there's always the option gives me peace.