I cannot stop myself from blaming myself and there is no way out

I made many mistakes over the past 7–8 years. I have reached a point of no return, and there is literally no way to fix them. I will carry this mark until the day I die. I don’t know how to proceed from here.
I think about suicide, but I don’t have the courage to act on it. No one ever guided me in life. I had no one to help me, put me on the right track, or someone I could trust.
I cannot find joy in anything now, and I fear I never will. I try to move on, but the mere thought of my past haunts me every time, and I give up.
Some mistakes are irreversible. They cost too much.