Im a bad wife and mum.

Hey, so im not very good a writing things or explaining things. But I will try my best.

Me (38f) am married to (38m) with 3 kids (13m, 8m, 2f)

Hubs isn't very nice, used to be very verbally abusive to me. Didnt care where he did it and who he did it in front of, other than his family. He would do it out in public, in front of my family and friends. So now im pretty much alone.

Ive had all sorts of mental health probs and now left with depression and very anxiety. So to try and keep it short ill skip to where I am now. We moved house 3 years ago and bought a run down house to fix up, hoping it would help us. Hubs was semi behaving etc. During the first month of moving here i found out I was pregs with my now 2f. I had to cold turkey all my meds and it sent me completely spiralling it was a terrible pregnancy, to the point I cant remember any of it.

Anyway cut to the present. I cant do anything. Im just physically and mentally numb. I cant even be a parent. Or even play with my 2yo. Even now im choosing to sit and write this than be with her. Im in so much trouble at work as I cant focus etc. Just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. But then i cant do that as the kids would end up with their dad and I really cant let that happen.

If you got this far, hopefully I've made sense and not waffled on too long. Thank you for reading x