I helped someone cheat.

I met this girl at a college party, and we hit it off instantly. I followed her on insta and found out she had a long distance boyfriend. No worries, i don’t need to have a relationship. I didn’t have a lot of friends in high school so i jumped at the opportunity to be friends with her. I also made a huge friend group instantly in college.

We start texting pretty regularly everyday, even while she still has a boyfriend. We hang out a few times in person, even one on one. I’d been in a previous relationship where my girlfriend had a “boy best friend” and i know how much that destroys someone’s mental state. Even then, i continued to hangout with her, but i made sure that i would never flirt with her.

My friend group would constantly tell me that what she’s doing is weird, and that every time we hang out together, it seems like this girl is flirting with me, despite having a boyfriend. I ignored these warnings, saying that i never saw it as flirting, especially bc everything i was doing i saw as strictly platonic. She quickly became one of my closest friends.

Every weekend when we went out, i would run into her at the frats. She would then tell me (while very tipsy) that she’s been wanting to break up with her boyfriend all summer but has never worked up the courage to. Her boyfriend was semi-controlling in my eyes, but every time she would tell me these things, i would tell her to wait until thanksgiving break when she could see him again. I never actively tried to break them up, even when she tried to bring it up. This is how i justified our friendship in my eyes - if i wasn’t deliberately trying to homewreck, i was in the clear.

It’s not like he was unaware of our friendship. They had arguments over me, and i continually told her that if he doesnt want us to be friends, then i would respect it. But every time, she kept saying it wasn’t a big deal and they were gonna break up anyway. So i continued texting her and hanging out with her, and people started assuming we were a couple. I would always say i had no feelings for her, because i truly didnt want to upset her relationship, but deep down i knew that if she wasnt in a relationship, i would be very interested in her.

A lot of her college friends and friends back home knew how controlling her boyfriend was. So they approved of our friendship since im not really the controlling type and was sort of a break from reality for her.

She soon broke up with her boyfriend, with me being a focal point of their arguments. I knew i was the real reason they broke up, but she wouldnt let me say that. She described it as me being a catalyst for their breakup.

Not even a week after, i felt myself starting to become attracted to her, and we eventually started hanging out at each other’s dorms more. Eventually people found out they broke up, and we went public with our relationship. However, every single one of my friends despises our relationship and me because i helped her cheat, and i dont blame them for it. It’s causing me immense mental load because i really do like her, but also i feel like i should listen to my friends and end things because it’s not morally right. Even if she was going to break up with her boyfriend, she was essentially micro-cheating on him for an entire month straight with a guy she met on the first day of college.

I know i’m a horrible person, and i know i don’t deserve to have a relationship with someone while her ex is still out there suffering. I know that i’m entirely to blame, having been through this situation myself and still choosing to inflict pain on others. I need to know what the right next steps are.