I used to purposely trigger my gag reflex when guys didn't take no for an answer

So I've always hated giving head for multiple reasons. Most guys are understanding, a little disappointed but they don't push hard about it, but there are always some assholes who won't accept it. I've always hated confrontation so for a while I just complied and blocked them when I went home instead of standing up for myself in the moment. I don't know how I got the idea but at some point I started triggering my gag reflex about a minute into it to "teach them a lesson" about respecting boundaries. I totally forgot about it until today and don't know how I feel

Edit because it wasn't clear and people are confused, I wasn't just gagging, I would make myself vomit on them. I know some people are into that but all the guys I did it to hated it and would push me off, take me home, and for me, the slight embarrassment was easier to deal with than saying "no" to them for the millionth time. This isn't made up to be funny, it's a real thing that I did, and I posted it because it was weighing on me and who am I gonna tell irl? I thought this subreddit was for this type of thing

2nd edit, because I think it got lost in the comments, I was a 13-16 year old girl when I was doing this and am now almost 22