I lost my best friend 5 days ago, he was everything to me

His name is Ikobod. My family got him when I was 4-5. We got him from a rescue shelter. Me and him locked eyes, and that was history. We spent the next 15 years together.

He loved being being outside in the sun, he loved tuna, and he loved curling up ontop of me, or crawling into the blanket.

When he was still an outside cat, he'd lay in the bushes in front of our home. He would run out and meow at me, then go inside with me. There was a time when me and him laid in a large sunny field together; and for that short time everything was ok. We made him a indoor cat a bit after, and he was never happy with that. Once we moved to a house with a screened-in patio and fenced in yard. He could lay in the sun again. I would walk with him, whilst he patrolled the fence.

I can't comprehend that he's gone, I didn't think time had a hold on him. He was running around playing with our other cat and day beforehand. He woke up that morning just like he had before. Then me and him took a nap, and he got up and couldn't walk. It was like he was falling perpetually falling forward. We rushed him to the vet and they told us he had a bloodclot hit his spine, or heart disease, or cancer. They said he wouldn't survive that night. Before I could even react, my parents were signing euthanization papers. Within 4 hours, he was gone.

I miss him, so much. He was everything to me, he was my best buddy. I wake up every morning looking for him, waiting to see him basking in the sun again. Nothing has felt real since, just one long nightmare. I don't know how I'm supposed to live without him.

I hope the next time we see each other, I can hold him again; and we can lay in a large sunny field together.