I guess I’m a piece of shit.

Hi girls :(

I just need a pick me up and you guys have always been my ray of sunshine on a gloomy day. And by day I mean life.

I’m sorry I’m advance if this seems all over the place. I’m very upset.

So, like two weeks ago my aunt died. I am one of (and sometimes the only) person to ALWAYS show up for people in my family. This includes a cousin who was disowned by her family for marrying a jahovahs witness- I was the only person present on her side of the family for that wedding. Many other weddings Funerals Baby showers

You name it. No matter WHAT is happening in my life- I’ll be there because I love you and we grew up together and you matter to me.

As a side note, I had just gotten out of the hospital for pneumonia before the funeral and still had my bracelet on. She asked me about it and I told her which hospital it was and that when I was there I let them know my cousin (her) works there (because I’m proud of her. Obv) and asked if my respiratory nurse knew her.

Flash forward to yesterday- the aunt who died has two daughters. It was Jennifer’s birthday (jahovah witness wedding one) and she never answered my “are you okay” when her mom just died NOR the happy birthdays yesterday. So I text her sister Vanessa to ask if Jennifer had a different number. No answer. So I finally just ask, what’s with you [last name]’s not answering my texts??? She responds:

“My sister's number hasn't changed.
The last time I saw you, you said that you were in the hospital and were talking about how your cousin is a respiratory therapist and she works here. I'm not sure what you were aiming for with that. I don't work at [hospital name] and even if I did, that is not an attitude that is appropriate. And is something that is professionally embarrassing. You also showed up to the funeral looking like you fell out of bed. And you were observed with behavior by several people that was concerning for being under the influence of drugs.

So no, I don't really want to talk to you.”

Ouch man my fucking heart. To her credit, the cemetery IS right up the road from my house so yes I did wake up a half hour before to head there to bury her mom. I still wore funeral attire though I just didn’t do my hair or put on makeup. The day before was the viewing etc and I dressed to the 9s and drove over an hour to be there etc. the drug thing is something held over my head from 2015 that my family will never let me live down. Can’t be tired, can’t not look completely put together at all times, can’t not always be “ON” or I’m back on drugs in their minds.

I’m just in shock I guess. And sad. She’s one of the few people who I didn’t think would treat me like this in the family.

Sorry to complain. I just need a friend to make me feel less shitty and you guys always are there for me. Love you. :(