I need to tell my ex-husband/co-parent to step up to the plate...kindly...while I'm really angry that he somehow forgot to bring our kid to the second day of school

My ex-husband forgot that my kid had school on the 2nd day of school. He assumed it was a 4 day weekend and never checked the calendar. My son missed the whole day. The school never reached out to request an explanation for his absence, which also concerns me. I think it was an honest mistake, but I'm pretty mad.

Following my separation and subsequent divorce, I invested a lot of time and energy into my mental health, my economic situation, and my parenting abilities. My ex still lives in chaos and I am becoming resentful. We are amicable and able to communicate well, be in the same room for events, text each other pics of the kid, etc. I'm grateful for all of that and for the fact that he's involved enough to have a split custody situation.

However, some of the stuff I notice makes me want to go into mama bear mode. My son misses occasional days of school, spends half his time in a truly filthy environment, is showing up to school for the first day with unbrushed hair, is sent places in too small outfits, and is fed seemingly mostly fast food when he's with his dad. Somehow fevers and colds go completely unnoticed until my son is back at my house. Over the summer my son acquired 2nd degree sunburns in his dad's care because he was in an outdoor pool for 3 hours without sunscreen. I realize I'm far from a perfect parent and I'm likely in no place to judge. I know my ex-husband has some executive dysfunction stuff that he really can't help. I feel stuck though, because it's bad for my son if I limit his time with his father and it's bad for my son if this continues.

The best starting point I can figure out is a conversation with his dad in way that his dad feels safe enough to actually listen. I know we are both doing our best. I don't want to get a mediator involved until it's absolutely necessary because it's important to me that we are able to maintain civility for our son. It is hard to sit with my feelings around this, especially knowing that a few years back I couldn't get it together either. I know this situation isn't good and my resentment isn't good for my son either.

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