The moments of joy that make all the drudgery worth it.

Right now I'm in a depressive episode. It takes me hours to get out of bed. I'm doing the bare minimum housework. I'm often lost in thoughts about how I'm a terrible human. Alternatively, I'm reminding myself that that's just the depression talking and these erroneous "terrible human" thoughts will pass once the depressive episode is over.

Today I feel like I got a little break from the depression. I had a few extra hours with my son. We went to the park and "triple dog dared" each other to go down different slides. I let him have my vest and test whether sitting on the lining or sitting on the outer layer of it would effect his sliding speed. He turtled himself into the vest and pretended he was a burrito.

We spent probably half an hour with my son climbing up the structure (aka burrito factory), and then sliding down the (conveyor belt) to me (the burrito customer). Each time I would tell him what kind of burrito and he would have to make the matching sound on the slide. Like if I wanted a chicken burrito he had to say "bok bok" all the way down. I would immediately tickle him and smell his shoe before declaring "this burrito smells like shoes and I want my money back!"

It was so stupid but it was so joyful and I felt like myself for the first time in a week. He was laughing so hard and kept coming up with different things like fossil burritos. It doesn't make any sense. But I love it. It makes all the depression and all the struggle worth it.