I finally told someone..

I'm 41m and been struggling internally with identity for close to a decade and a half. I've met up with a couple guys a few years back and felt intense shame for no good reason, but enjoyed it... It only made my confusion worse because my attraction to women is soooo much stronger that I can't even tell if I'm really attracted to guys, but at the same time I do catch myself doing a double take sometimes, but it's just so confusing how different it is for me if it's there while still craving more.

It's been weighing on me for years but it escalated this week after something happened so I decided to finally tell one of my best friends that I've tried to tell before.

It felt fuckin good to get it out. She was surprised, but supportive and I keep tearing up knowing I have someone to share with even though I can't ever really see myself being fully out.

I guess I'm posting this because I got the courage to tell someone from reading other people's experiences in this subreddit. Thank you.