Marrying Someone With Bipolar 2
Hi everyone,
I have not used Reddit before to a significant extent, so this will be my first one!
I met my current fiancé at a bar and “bothered” her until she gave me her tye dye business card and we played pool together. I invited her to my then-band and she actually came to the show. We ended up moving in together and built our relationship from there. I’ll spare the rest of the romantic details (unless you really want to hear in the comments.)
Anyway, here are some non-invasive details about my fiancé:
She does not currently take meds She has been sober for 2 years She doesn’t make enough money to go back to college (she dropped out because she couldn’t afford it) and the lack of finances also means she cannot afford meds or doctor/therapy She has a part time job that she like, but is looking for one less physically demanding Most importantly, I love her, care about her, and want to do everything reasonably in my power to support her no matter what (as any future husband should) btw our wedding date is Feb 29th, 2024.
My questions are:
Things are going really well now, but the mood swings are challenging because when she’s in a manic or depressive episode, I get “I don’t know” answers. Some questions I ask are “How was work today?” “What did you do today that you are most proud of?” “Would you like to watch (insert show here)?” “Would you like me to help you with (x,y, and z?) It’s hard to get her to communicate how she really feels or what she really wants to do or not to do. Any tips on getting through to her? Again, this only happens when she’s in one of her mood swings.
How can I tell if something she does is bipolar related or just her personality? I know bipolar doesn’t determine everything about a person, but I imagine it affects how people act in a way it otherwise would not.
She is a very particular individual. She likes things done her way or the highway and sometimes it seems that when I make a suggestion in an effort to compromise, I feel like that may be one of her triggers because she starts to get cold toward me for a little bit and then goes back to being even tempered. Is there a way that I can better bring things up or set boundaries? How would anyone in general with bipolar prefer to have things brought up like for example sometimes I want some alone time or made don’t want to do what she’s doing at that present moment, but will hang out later, but then she says things like “well, fine! Or “ok I guess” and it makes me feel like I did or said something wrong. I can’t tell if she’s saying that in a joking way or she’s actually not happy with me setting my own healthy boundaries. I find that she says yes to things she doesn’t really want to do, but cannot spend much time away from me.
Note* we have not had any shouting matches or dealbreaking arguments. I think overall the communication is ok in the big picture, but I’ve spoken to her and we both agree things can be improved. I want to be supportive and understand her wants and needs. I think she feels the most comfortable in non-verbal communication like body language, whereas I’m more of a talker. Any advice and insight/criticism is welcome as long as it’s constructive. Our feelings of love for each other is mutual.
Thank you.