feeling insecure the second time being pregnant

in my first pregnancy, despite my stretch marks, i felt pretty good about myself and loved seeing my baby bump. I wasn’t worried about my weight gain or anything and just let myself be… pregnant. But this second time, i’m having a harder time looking at myself. I genuinely don’t like what I’m seeing in the mirror and i don’t understand why it’s so different in this pregnancy. I felt okay about myself before this pregnancy. but the insecurity I started to feel once I got pregnant is INTENSE.

Every time I go to the doctor’s the number on the scale crushes me a bit. I feel like I weigh too much (logically I know i don’t. bc if i did, my dr would’ve said something) and it’s not like I didn’t gain 80lbs in my last pregnancy either? I’m 20 weeks and 2 days and so far I’ve gained only about 15 - 20 lbs? I gain about 3-5lbs a month I’m already half way through so idk why I’m so hard on myself when I had gained way more by this point the last pregnancy.

I’m just writing and posting this to vent my feelings. It’s been a struggle this entire pregnancy with myself and I’m sad that I don’t feel good about myself. I loved to show off my bump in my first pregnancy but this pregnancy I just wanna hide every inch of myself. If anyone else feels this way, you’re not alone. Pregnancy is hard and I wish every experience could be a great experience but it’s not the reality. My first pregnancy was also a girl, this time I’m having a boy. I was always told that girls take away the beauty while boys give the beauty but I feel like in my case it’s the complete opposite 😅