Married to an allo

And it is hell. It’s like every interaction between us leads to him wanting sex.

Watching anime together? Sex. Date night? Sex. The in-laws are watching our kids? Sex. Holidays or birthdays? Sex. Going in a trip with friends? Oh hey, let me just text you another sex joke that’s definitely not a joke and be upset that you don’t respond despite knowing you’re asexual.

I’m ready to rip my hair out. I’m so frustrated and I feel like my boundaries are constantly disrespected, often in the form of me asking him to quit groping me (even in public sometimes!!!) and him being like "I can’t help it" or "oh my god, I can’t do anything without you freaking out".

It’s like he chooses not to listen to me about being ace because he wants what he wants. I guess I’ve figured that we were incompatible in terms of a physical relationship, but I thought at first that we could work through it and find another solution.

I suggested opening up the relationship for him a year or two ago, and initially he was excited ("That’s every guy’s dream") but then he decided he didn’t want to— which was fair— because sleeping with someone else while married didn’t feel right.

Since then, he’s sometimes tried to be accepting of me being ace, but is really pushy other times, annoyed, exasperated (though he accuses me of that when I get upset that he keeps grabbing my body in ways that I fucking hate), and I don’t see a future outside of inevitable divorce. Both of us are unhappy with how things are when it comes to sex. I want none and he wants it constantly.

With kids in the mix, it’s complicated, and I guess I’m not looking for advice so much as looking to vent/ commiserate with people who get it.