Am I wrong for thinking she’s cheating?

I (35M) have been married to my wife (32F) for about 8 years. We’ve had our ups and downs like any couple, but the last year or so has been awful.

For context, I work in a field that requires a lot of night and weekend work, plus a lot of travel. I also have a second job that takes up a couple nights a week. A few months ago, she flipped out on me because I had a work obligation on a Sunday that prevented me from doing something with her. She insinuated that I constantly choose work over her, and that she doesn’t feel loved or wanted. I told her I would try my best to cut back on extra work, but that the need for extra income was pretty high. Her response to that was to start sleeping in another room and stop wearing her wedding rings.

A month or so later, I rearranged my work schedule to spend the evening with her one weekend. We went to see one of her work friends play in a band at a bar in town. For most of the night, she ignored me and hung out with her other work friends, other than when she wanted me to buy her a drink. We later went to another bar, where I tried to be attentive and affectionate, but she mostly rejected me.

The next night, there had been an event I had to work, but was meeting up with her and her friends afterwards. When I got there, she was smiling ear to ear, rubbing this work friend’s arm (we’ll call him J) and begging him to go back out to the bars with her. He reluctantly agreed. She then saw me. I asked where we were all going. Her response: “I don’t want you to come. Please don’t come. I know you don’t want to be there, and I don’t want you there either.” I went home, she got in about 3 am. I didn’t talk to her for a couple of days.

Last weekend, she went out and got drunk with some of the same friends, although I tagged along this time once I got out of work. She passed out as soon as we got home. I went through her phone. Lots of texts to J about her feelings for him, and referencing something that happened another night she went out with her friends while I had to work. To be fair, I don’t know if J is as interested in her as she seems to be in him. J is also about 8 years younger than her. She leaves for work super early every morning, and she and J are usually the first two there.

I can’t help but think that the two of them starting to work together was the catalyst that started her poor treatment of me. It’s been about a year and a half since they started working together. It’s also been at least that long since we had sex. There’s been more incidents between us, but these were the most impactful.

Now we’re about to spend a week traveling together to see our families for Christmas. I hope I can keep it together the whole time. But it might be time to start planning my exit strategy when we get back.

Using a throwaway for obvious reasons.

Edit 1: Thanks for the comments. Mostly backs up what I’ve been feeling. Not much way to get out of Christmas travel, we’re at my family’s house now and headed to hers in a couple days and so far no problems. My mom was talking about two of her former coworkers that got caught with each other some years ago, and I made the comment that eventually coworkers are going to get caught - my wife immediately looked away and didn’t make eye contact for awhile, which I thought was quite telling.

A bit more context: -I’m a coach, she is a teacher and a coach. We don’t work at the same place. My side hustle is private lessons for some extra income, so I can cut back on that if I need to, but it means a lot less income. -She also makes considerably more than I do, yet pays a far smaller share of the bills. And wants to get weepy and confrontational when I bring up this fact. -So we both work long hours and often have to work or travel on nights and weekends. She’s gone about as many nights as I am. She has no more interest in prioritizing me than she claims I do her. -We live in a big college town, and most of her work friends (and friends outside of work) are relatively recent grads (mid to late 20s) and still act like they’re in college, so weekends can get wild, especially home football weekends. Hence all the going out, bars, etc. I’ve always hated the college bar scene and I don’t like to go, but I’ll do it if it keeps me out of hot water.